The King is Thrown Out

September 17, 2007

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Conclusive evidence has recently surfaced proving that Greg King, associate professor of biblical studies, has had a secret life as a baseball player for many years.

Sources have confirmed that King has been involved in baseball from a very early age. He played in Little League and Pony League, and won at least five trophies. "I don't want to exaggerate anything, but I was pretty good back then," he is reported to have said. "I had dreams about being a major-league player, and tried to figure out ways to avoid playing on Sabbath."

While he may not win as many trophies now as he once did, King's fondness for the ball diamond persists as strong as ever. He was recently spotted at Turner Field watching a Braves' game while in Atlanta (purportedly for a speaking appointment), and plays in the "Old Men's League" (for those 35 and older) in St. Helena. Unfortunately for King and his fellow sluggers, this year's season was curtailed early because a fire at the elementary school where they play made it necessary to convert their ballfield into a trailer park.

The most convincing symptom of King's baseball fervor is a recently discovered photograph taken of him together with former Dodgers' manager Tommy Lasorda in 1983. The photo shows Lasorda pointing at King and shouting angrily at him. Several explanations of the photo have been offered: one, which demonstrates that King's baseball daydreams did not end in childhood, has it that Lasorda was dismissing him from the team due to exasperation with his pitching style. But another version of the story, which has been substantiated by reliable sources, asserts that King had actually been watching one of the Dodgers' spring training games (spying for the Braves, perhaps?), and, with the encouragement of a friend, had tried to get his picture taken with Lasorda. The plan was that King would sneak up behind the great man, who was pouting on the field because his team had lost, while his friend snapped the picture. But Lasorda sensed King's presence just before his friend pushed the button, and the picture was snapped with Tommy pointing his finger at King and telling him to get off his field.

On a smaller note, King was recently named Teacher of the Year for 1996-97. But how can a mere plaque and the acknowledgement of his quality teaching skills compare to the possibility of a World Series trophy? Play ball!