By Lainey S. Cronk, Webmaster
Due to complacency, disputes over the printer queue, and the loss of red pens, the staff at the Office of Public Relations decided to try some serious restructuring. They thought it would be especially neat to give their director, Julie Lee, a special surprise by carrying out these changes during her Maternity Leave (so don't tell her yet).
First, job positions were assessed. The most efficient changes were swaps: Writer Lainey Cronk and webmaster Nic Hubbard switched jobs (this article is the last that Cronk will write); designer Cliff Rusch and executive assistant Kay Parks swapped; and student designer Kerry Chambers and marketing director Scott Callender took each other's jobs. This, however, left one person (designer Haley Wesley) with no work, since the demand for design work has been pretty much zero since the installment of 25 Xerox machines (all appropriately named Julia). Wesley was, for this reason, assigned to be the staff bodyguard, office bouncer, and social committee.
Under these reassignments, Cronk will now be leading the Friday Bike Rides on her $80 Walmart bike, and Callender, though he is excited about being a student again, is a little stressed out about finishing Chambers' senior thesis project. Chambers is enjoying being on Ad Council and making decisions about the college's future marketing strategies. He hopes to introduce the color yellow a lot more and is considering the new slogan "We Are Better in All Ways" for PUC.
The staff also enjoys a revised schedule. At 6:45 a.m., they gather for a family-style breakfast at Callender's house. Please be assured that they are NOT clocked in during this time, but it IS mandatory attendance. They no mind, because staff think food good (that was Hubbard writing, for practice). At 7:35, everybody clocks in and gathers in the main room for a Time of Precious Affirmation. During this time, a roll of twine (or duct tape, toilet paper, fresh taffy, or whatever else is handy) is passed from person to person with words of affirmation and appreciation until a web is woven so securely that Graf residents who fall through the ceiling while practicing taekwondo in the rooms above can land safely and comfortably in the Net of Affirmation. This obviously solves many problems, although it does tend to make the PR staff somewhat emotional. This may explain why they occasionally burst in to tears of joy or long whoops of delighted laughter when you call.
An anonymous donor (THANK YOU!!) provided us with blue mats for our after-lunch nap-time, and Hubbard successfully campaigned for a dress-code change (this because three fingers broken and want more employees wear suit to make feel better). (That was Hubbard writing again.) The office is also focusing its energies on tightening down on college publicity; in the future, if you will be wearing a PUC shirt or saying the word "PUC" out loud, please submit a Publicity Release Form to Chambers anytime except breakfast or nap-time.
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